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Rattlesnake Song


Well me and Doris went on vacation... 
We decided we needed more than recreation 
So we enrolled in a Bible camp retreat. 

I got the directions and we took off ...
It only took six hours to get completely lost 
Way back up in the mountains of East Tennessee. 

Well it was getting real dark and I was starting to fret,
Doris said look yonder, bet that's it. 
She pointed to the lights to this little church way back in the brush. 

An old man met us, I said just two; he escorted us down to the very first pew.
I said Doris I don't think this is the right place;
She just said hush. 

Well they preached a sermon and sang a song... 
Then they preached some more and went on and on. 
Nearly wore me out; I'd had about all I could take. 

Then they pulled down the shades and things quieted down. 
This guy next to me punched me said here pass this down... 
I turned to look and son of a gun he handed me a snake! 

Oh the night that me and Doris 
Went running through the forest 
Way back up in the hills of Tennessee 

Yeah we started making tracks 
When they broke out that diamondback...
It scared the devil out of poor old Doris and me .

He said take it man don't you believe? 
I said I believe all right, I believe I'll leave. 
And I reached for Doris but she done fainted away white as a sheet. 

Now I couldn't pick her up and I couldn't find the door, 
And them rattlers were crawling all around the floor.
And friend that's when the spirit hit my feet.

I started running down the aisles and bouncing off the walls 
Like somebody teed off a new golf ball in a tiled bathroom 
Friends I'll tell you I was moving on. 

I'd run past Doris every minute or two,
Trying to shake her awake but it wasn't no use... 
For a while there I thought the Lord had called the poor thing home. 

Then somebody dropped a big one in her lap;
Doris come too and something in her snapped... 

She grabbed that thing by the tail and commenced swinging it around her head.
Then she gave it a crack like Lash LaRue;
The head came off and sailed across the room... 
Then she did a tap dance on the rest of them suckers till they was all dead.